Pro Tip: Reframing the Resolution
As we come to terms with the close of this year and look forward to the new one, New Year’s resolutions are a way for us to acknowledge what we would like to start or stop doing moving forward.
While this sentiment tends to give people more determination to start fresh, it also ends up setting people up for failure. In fact, nearly 80% of people who had New Year's resolutions abandoned them by February.
So let’s reframe our resolutions with these two exercises.
Exercise 1: The Three Whys
A major reason why our goals don’t ever seem to be achieved, is because what we say our goal is, isn’t always addressing the root of the issue.
The Three Why’s exercise is a slight adaptation to the 5 Whys analysis developed by Sakichi Toyoda, the founder of Toyota Industries. The premise is once you state the initial problem, you ask why 5 times to get to the root of it.
It works similarly when determining the actual goal or motivation of what you wish to be true. Oftentimes we do such a masterful job of focusing on the first "why" that we don't acknowledge the true source of the motivation, which we could use to find even more potential solutions or pathways to achieve success.
So let’s try it:
What is one goal you have for yourself in 2023?
Why?
Why?
Why?
Hopefully you were able to dig a bit deeper and have a better understanding of the motivation behind your goal. What have you learned about yourself, your goal, and what it means to reach it? Have you explored all the different ways to address that deeper “third why” motivation? Is your original goal the only way to do that?
Exercise 2: Reflective Adjustments
Another reason why we may not reach our resolutions is our adoption of all or nothing thinking. We summon up the energy to try and completely alter our lifestyle cold turkey. Some of us make it farther than others, but more often than not there is a period of time where we falter and that eventually leads to us giving up. Our lack of compassion for ourselves and reflection on why we may not have reached a point we would like leads to us battling feelings of shame, guilt, and hopelessness.
Even when we strive to reflect on our progress, it can look more like critical evaluations of what we did wrong or myopically hover only on the positive side of things. Let's reframe both of these ideas into something a bit more healthy and constructive in the long run.
Reflect on possible pivots or points to consider. Being able to critique ourselves is a helpful skill but it should not be to the point of self-shame. Be honest, but be helpful to yourself in the process. While adjustments may need to be made, let's focus more on how to overcome the obstacles rather than hyper-fixate on the fact they are there.
As you create your task lists and short term goals to achieve your resolution, plan out check ins with yourself to answer the following reflective questions:
What thoughts moved you towards your intentions?
What thoughts moved you away from your intentions?
What do you need to forgive yourself for?
What do you need to hold yourself accountable for?
What can you affirm yourself for?
What is something new that you learned?
Neither of these exercises are easy. But with practice, you will be able to better articulate your goals and recognize your journey towards your goal just that - a journey. Meeting obstacles and dealing with setbacks are both natural points in a journey. How you navigate them is what will determine how you progress towards your goal.
You got this!
Thanks for getting A Little Mental with me.
