Life Lessons: Confessions of a Recovering Overachiever
It has taken me a long time to get to this point.
The way I define overachiever is basically attributed to my lifelong resume. An overachiever is someone who was in the “advanced classes” in school, involved themselves in all sorts of extracurricular activities, ended up being the president, treasurer, or captain of at least one of them, never saw a world where they weren’t going to college, may be an older sibling or embody the hopes and dreams of their family, and probably has experience taking care of someone or is used to taking over a situation that wasn’t necessarily theirs to begin with. Sound familiar?
Well, that is me, I am that. And it wasn’t something I really clocked until my first panic attack my sophomore year in college (another story, another time).
That’s when I started paying more attention to the effects of my lifestyle and saw how detrimental my mindset could be. I started my wellness journey then and there because I knew that if I didn’t work on it then, I might not recover from it when I actually hit the real world. So, there have been some hard truths and honest observations I’ve worked towards over the years so I wanted to share them with you:
I have to always be doing something.
If I manage to stop everything, it actually stresses me out.
I never feel relaxed.
“You do too much”, “Of course you did”, “You’re such an overachiever”, “You’re making the rest of us look bad”, “Wish I had my life together like you”...Not fun to respond to.
My communication style can come across like an interview because that’s how I was communicated with growing up.
I feel like everyone will see me as a fraud.
Letting things go is painful but necessary.
I have to constantly fight my natural impulse to self-deprecate or be critical of myself...I’m getting better. But that voice still wins sometimes.
I have a fawn stress response.
I feel like no one knows the real me. But I’ve recognized I have control over this and started re-introducing myself to those around me.
Lists make me feel better.
Planners are my love language.
So are acts of service.
My happiness is directly affected by my ability to affect the happiness of those around me. This one is really tough to reconcile.
I feel fulfilled when I’m busy but I have been able to appreciate the moments of silence as opportunities to grow.
I feel like a fraud (did I mention that already?).
If I’m not here as the one who can “power through” then what am I here for?
I’m not as well adjusted as I look.
I have worked really hard to get to the point where I can admit all of this. I’m proud of how far I’ve come and I’m excited to grow even more. It’s scary. I don’t have all the answers yet, but little by little, I’m learning to be okay with that.
Thanks for getting A Little Mental with me.
